Health Reflections Part 2: Stress

Carrying on from yesterday's post, I noted two things from the last few months. The first is my own health crisis/health scare. After all, being in a hospital bed in an ER and watching the computer monitor display "Oh, man that's bad!" when it takes your blood pressure is a tad scary. The second is that I've had too many friends, specifically ministry friends, pass away unexpectedly recently. None of them from accidents or from crime. Most of them from stress-aggravated illness, including at least one death-by-suicide from stress issues.

By the way: even with as small of a circle of connection as I have, I have known of at least ministerial death-by-suicide every 6 months since 2018. Pastors are not immune to desperation. This does *not* include definite criminals evading earthly accountability for their actions.

Let's start off with this very basic reality:

If you are in ministry, you are asking God to entrust people's spiritual well-being to you. That is inherently stressful. Period. If you are not taking this seriously, you need to get out now. We are better off with a pastor shortage then pastors who just come up short in caring. 

You may be like me and your caring doesn't always look like other people's caring, but you had better care. That's part of the calling.

Now, you may think that we can spiritualize away all the stress and say "Just rely on God, you won't have any stress." That's nonsense and if you're honest with yourself, you know it is. It's vague enough to have a ring of truth, in the same way that claiming I had "something like eggs and toast" for breakfast because "eggs and toast" have the same ingredients as "cake." (They do: flour, sugar, eggs, seasonings...) Or saying you eat a well-rounded meal because you eat the whole pizza.

Truth is, faith does not utterly eliminate stress in the everyday life of anyone. Including those of us in the ministry. The lie that we should be able to just "float away from it" makes it even harder, because you pile that sense of failure into the stress.

So the first thing to do is own that you're in the ministry and that is a choice. It was the call of God that brought you here, but you still chose this life. We'll address that duality in another place. Just know that you need to own that your life is a result of your choices.

Usually we say about things like seminary or Bible classes that "the call to preach is a call to prepare," but we don't take the next logical step and include "prepare yourself for the lifestyle," as if lexical forms and funeral outlines are all we need. One ends up learning on the job: you have to find a way to manage the stress.

Community and good friends are frequently a key factor in helping with stress. However, friendships take two people and we're going to focus on things that each of us can tackle on our own. Besides, to an introvert or L1 autistic guy, "go make friends" adds stress.

First, as stated above, acknowledge the stress is real and inherent in the work. Embrace the reality. And then be sure you are seeking God for your guide and help in the midst of it all. He will carry you. He will also help you have wisdom about what additional steps to take.

Next, identify the differences in stresses of the moment and the general stress-load. For example, are there specific activities that spike or heighten your stress? I've served churches with good deacon meetings and churches with anger-filled, distrust-laden deacon meetings. Guess what? Deacon meetings are now always stress-inducing. It's not the general stress of life, it's a specific moment.

If you can separate out the two primary types of stress: everyday, endemic stress and momentary stress, that will help you start to deal with the consequences. Generally, the efforts you need to make are slightly different.

For example, if you have moment-driven stress and can identify it, you can also start to plot stress-relief ideas to go with it. For me, it's impractical to come home before deacon meetings but I do it anyway because a hug is a good help for stress. Also, to the fullest you can, ask for adjustments that might ease the stress. We've slightly reformatted deacon meetings here, it helps allay my stress. 

Eventually, hopefully those high-stress moments can be defused for you. Other stress moments hit differently: hospital visits or funerals tend to pump the blood pressure a bit. Address the funeral issue by getting to know your local funeral directors (easier if there's not many funeral homes, otherwise pay attention to the ones most frequented by your church members) and that will increase your trust in their professionalism at handling the details. Remember that they may do a hundred funerals for every one you do; they should know what they are doing.

Hospital visits may need a smidgen of stress relief going or coming, and it's okay to sit in your car in a parking deck and cry over the fact that you know someone you care for is not leaving that hospital room alive. Let it out. Be strong for that family as you need to, but cry it out.

One habit to avoid, though, is addressing stress by eating. If you find, for example, hospital visits stressful and treat that stress with French fries, you are not doing yourself any favors. Maybe you need to find a calm, peaceful spot to sit and collect yourself before or after--a lot of hospitals do have garden spaces.

Another thing about stresses of the moment is to be less hurried from moment-to-moment. I know that we often feel like we must hurry from this situation to the next--and in a real crisis, that is true. But everyday is *not* a crisis. 

Which brings us to the big issue: you may have to frontload a bit of stress by telling people: "NO." Or even simply telling people that you will get to it in due time. Be a person of your word and actually get to it, but you do not have to fill every last moment with activity. Doubly so for frantic activity. If you have to be on the phone with the office to dictate the bulletin as you rush out of the hospital, you are doing things you ought not do. Let some of it be handled by others. Let some of it go undone.

Believe it or not, your sermon can go with a plain slide that says "SERMON." And your staff (if you have one) should be competent enough to not need you managing every moment.

Because that stress is coming from your choice to control things. You have to let that go.

Which transitions us into talking about the all-the-time stress. This is different, as you cannot really set an offset for it. 

Instead, you need to build-out the disciplines that will help you carry it. First, your spiritual disciplines. Prayer, worship, time in the Word of God are all crucial. So is seeking Christian community that you can find encouragement within. Second, you need some physical discipline: basic walking is truthfully enough if you can do it. Especially if you can find a place outside with green stuff like trees and grass and walk 20-30 minutes a few times a week. 

And don't be on the phone while you're doing it. If you have a family, see if you can work this in with them. 

But you need it. You also need a hobby. And that hobby should not be "oh, I'm a pastor and my hobby is helping my pastor buddy write his sermons, too..." And no, past-Doug, "seminary" is not a hobby. Something that you can do that helps you relax and set aside your stresses. Some people golf. Some hike. Some do woodworking.

Find something.

Rest helps address stress. And you need to do that.